Study Maps 45 Distinct Ways People End Romantic Relationships

A newly published study catalogs 45 specific behaviors people use to terminate romantic relationships and ranks the approaches most and least likely to be chosen.

The research, conducted by Menelaos Apostolou and Yanoula Kagialis and released in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, examined how adults decide to break up, how frequently each tactic is favored, and the personality traits linked to particular strategies.

How the Study Was Conducted

Study 1: Generating breakup behaviors

The first phase surveyed 228 Greek-speaking adults—122 women and 106 men—whose average ages were 30 and 31, respectively. Participants were asked to imagine they were dissatisfied with their current relationship and to list the actions they would take to end it. Their open-ended responses produced 45 unique breakup acts.

Study 2: Rating the acts

A separate sample of 392 Greek-speaking respondents—185 women with an average age of 34 and 207 men averaging 38—evaluated how likely they were to use each of the 45 acts under similar hypothetical circumstances. Approximately 41 percent of this group reported being single at the time of participation.

Researchers used the ratings to organize the 45 acts into nine core breakup strategies, which in turn were sorted into three broad types. The process allowed the team to establish preference rankings for each strategy and to explore links with personality variables.

The Nine Core Strategies

1. Being Cold and Distant
Participants described reducing contact, withholding affection, or behaving indifferently so the partner would infer the relationship was ending.

2. We Would Be Better Off Going Our Separate Ways
This direct method involves telling a partner the relationship has no future and suggesting both parties move on.

3. Seeing You as a Friend
The partnership is reframed as friendship, with statements such as “I want to stay friends” or “I see you more as a friend than a partner.”

4. Avoiding Face-to-Face
Breakups are delivered by text message, phone call, or through a mutual acquaintance, sidestepping in-person conversation.

5. Explaining the Reasons
Individuals hold an open discussion, disclose dissatisfaction, and articulate the problems prompting the split.

6. Ghosting
All contact is abruptly terminated without warning or explanation. Actions include disappearing, not returning calls, and ignoring messages.

7. Taking the Blame
The person initiating the breakup accepts responsibility, often to lessen emotional harm to the partner.

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8. Being Unfaithful
Some respondents reported ending relationships by admitting to infidelity or expressing interest in someone else.

9. Taking a Break
Rather than a final separation, one partner proposes a temporary pause to reflect on feelings and the relationship’s future.

Preference Rankings

When participants rated the likelihood of employing each strategy, three patterns emerged:

Most preferred: Soften the blow
The top choice combined elements of “Explaining the Reasons,” “Taking the Blame,” and “We Would Be Better Off Going Our Separate Ways.” This cluster aims to provide clarity, accept shared responsibility, and minimize distress.

Second preferred: Taking a break
Participants often favored suggesting a trial separation to gain perspective, though the study notes that temporary pauses can create uncertainty if partners differ on expectations.

Least preferred: Avoid confrontation
Strategies such as ghosting, emotional withdrawal, or complete silence ranked lowest, indicating most respondents view them as undesirable despite their convenience.

Personality Traits and Breakup Style

The researchers measured Dark Triad traits—Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy—to see how they correlate with breakup behavior. Higher Machiavellian scores were linked to preferring emotionally distant tactics, while elevated psychopathy was tied to shifting blame onto the partner or manipulating the circumstances. These findings align with broader literature suggesting that individuals high on Dark Triad traits often employ self-serving or callous strategies in interpersonal contexts. For additional background on these personality constructs, the American Psychological Association offers an overview of Dark Triad research.

Why the Findings Matter

The authors argue that understanding common breakup strategies can help people choose approaches that reduce conflict and safeguard emotional well-being. They note that breakup choices are often shaped by relationship length, partner characteristics, and perceived risks. For instance, “Taking a Break” may be more attractive when feelings of uncertainty dominate, while “Avoiding Face-to-Face” might appear easier in short-term or less committed partnerships.

Evolutionary considerations also emerge. The study posits that historically, women might have favored softening tactics to lower the chance of retaliation from male partners. Although the current research was limited to Greek-speaking respondents, the authors suggest basic patterns could generalize across cultures, given similar adaptive pressures.

Methodological Notes

The paper relied on self-report data, which can introduce social desirability bias. Participants were asked to imagine dissatisfaction rather than report on actual breakups, so intentions may not perfectly match real-world behavior. Nonetheless, the two-step design—generating acts and then rating them—provides a detailed taxonomy that future studies can test in broader populations.

Implications for Practice

Mental-health professionals who counsel individuals or couples can use the list of strategies to anticipate potential conflict points. By identifying a client’s preferred style, therapists can guide conversations toward clearer communication, mutual respect, and reduced emotional harm. The taxonomy also offers researchers a framework for exploring cultural variations, longitudinal outcomes, and digital influences on breakup practices.

Overall, the study delivers a structured map of how people say they would end unsatisfactory romantic relationships, highlighting a wide spectrum—from compassionate dialogue to abrupt silence—and underscoring the role personality traits play in those choices.