Researchers Probe the Ingredients of Fulfilling Friendships to Tackle Rising Loneliness

Social scientists are turning their attention to an everyday relationship that carries extraordinary weight: friendship. A growing body of research explores what people expect from friends, how those expectations shape social bonds and how new insights might inform efforts to combat what public health officials describe as a nationwide loneliness epidemic.

Health benefits underscore the stakes

Multiple studies link strong friendships to faster recovery from illness and surgery, higher overall well-being and a greater sense of living up to one’s potential. The protective effect extends across life stages, from adolescence through parenthood and into old age. Neurological evidence further illustrates the importance of social ties: the brain regions activated by social rejection overlap with those that register physical pain, highlighting why isolation can feel acutely distressing.

Classic explanations: similarity, familiarity and proximity

For decades, behavioral scientists emphasized three factors that commonly bring people together. Potential friends tend to be alike in background or interests, frequently encounter one another and reside or work nearby. Researchers also described gendered patterns: women were said to favor one-on-one, emotionally intimate and face-to-face interactions, whereas men were thought to prefer group settings focused on a shared task, such as playing sports side by side.

Those patterns explain many friendships but not all. Plenty of individuals match on similarity, familiarity and location, yet only a fraction form enduring bonds. New investigations aim to clarify how people choose among many possible companions.

Emerging focus on personal preferences

Recent studies suggest that qualities such as loyalty, trustworthiness and warmth often top the list of desirable traits in a friend. People also value partners who can help solve specific problems and who direct generosity toward them rather than spreading it thinly. These priorities may guide decisions about where to invest limited time and emotional energy in a world full of potential connections.

Gender differences still exist, but they appear less rigid when researchers consider broad categories of emotional closeness and task orientation together. Men and women use a mix of interaction styles, adjusting to the needs they hope a friendship will meet. Individual preference, rather than gender alone, largely steers whom people befriend and how those relationships develop.

The time it takes to move from acquaintance to confidant

Research provides a rough timeline for friendship formation. Approximately 30 hours of interaction may convert a casual contact into a casual friend. About 140 hours can elevate the relationship to good-friend status, and roughly 300 hours often precede the designation of best friend. These benchmarks underscore why quick fixes rarely alleviate loneliness: meaningful bonds grow through sustained, shared experience.

Practical considerations for seeking new friends

Experts advise first clarifying what type of connection feels most rewarding. Someone who values deep conversation might join small discussion groups, whereas a person motivated by joint goals could participate in team sports, volunteer projects or hobby clubs. Recognizing personal strengths that benefit others—whether logistical skills, humor or emotional support—can also foster reciprocal, satisfying ties.

Imagem: Mae Sherlaine Barcela

Public health context

The U.S. Surgeon General has labeled loneliness a serious public health concern and recently issued recommendations that include expanding parks, libraries and other communal spaces. While such venues encourage face-to-face interaction, researchers caution that they may not automatically facilitate the task-oriented, side-by-side engagement many men prefer. Incorporating athletic fields or maker spaces could create environments that appeal to a wider range of social styles.

Understanding diverse friendship preferences is critical, because loneliness correlates with higher rates of depression and suicide. Surveys indicate that men have experienced a pronounced decline in the number of close friends in recent years, mirroring their elevated suicide risk. Effective interventions will likely require options that suit both intimate and activity-based modes of connection.

Next steps for researchers and policymakers

Investigators continue to map the specific traits and contexts that predict durable, fulfilling friendships. As evidence accumulates, it may inform programs designed to encourage social integration in schools, workplaces and neighborhoods. Public health officials, urban planners and community organizations can draw on these findings to craft inclusive strategies that recognize the varied ways people build and sustain friendships.

Those strategies may include diversifying communal spaces, promoting events that blend shared tasks with opportunities for conversation and educating individuals about the time investment required to cultivate closeness. By aligning initiatives with the realities of how friendships form and thrive, stakeholders hope to blunt the health consequences of pervasive loneliness.

Additional information on the national strategy to address social isolation is available through the Office of the U.S. Surgeon General.

Crédito da imagem: The Conversation