Licensed Therapist Reveals Personal Battle With Self-Neglect and the Steps She Took to Recover

An American mental-health professional has detailed how a lifetime of prioritizing other people’s needs led to burnout, chronic stress and a medical emergency during her second pregnancy. Erin Vandermore, a licensed therapist and mother of two, outlined the progression from childhood self-suppression to adult exhaustion and explained the measures she is now taking to rebuild her well-being.

According to Vandermore, the pattern began in early childhood. As the firstborn daughter, she assumed responsibility for maintaining family harmony and learned to equate good behavior with silence and low demands. Academic difficulties compounded the problem. She reports that undiagnosed reading and attention challenges forced her to study late into the night, rewriting notes and working, in her words, “twice as hard to get half as far.” No formal evaluation was conducted for dyslexia or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, leaving her to conclude that the struggle was a personal failing rather than a learning difference.

The habit of self-denial intensified in adulthood, especially after a miscarriage that she kept largely private. Because there was no public acknowledgment of the pregnancy, she felt pressure to move forward quickly, suppressing grief that would later resurface as anxiety and physical tension. Subsequent pregnancies further tested her coping strategies. When her first child was born, she returned to work almost immediately because her paid leave had been exhausted and her spouse was still in college. The financial obligation left her simultaneously managing a newborn, employment and household duties.

Her second pregnancy introduced a critical health complication: preeclampsia, a condition characterized by dangerously high blood pressure. Vandermore says she continued to provide emotional support to family members from her hospital bed until an emergency premature delivery became unavoidable. Preeclampsia is a leading cause of maternal morbidity, and the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that timely intervention is essential to protect both parent and baby.

The sustained physical and psychological pressure manifested in several ways. Each January, the anniversary month of her neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) experience, she noticed a spike in depressive symptoms. She also experienced growing anger, resentment and episodes of emotional overeating. These reactions, she later recognized, were signs of unprocessed trauma and chronic nervous-system activation.

The turning point emerged through a series of incremental decisions rather than a single dramatic event. Vandermore began to identify brief moments when her body signaled exhaustion—such as elevated heart rate or muscle tension—and chose rest instead of automatic compliance. She allowed herself to miss household chores, declined non-essential requests and accepted that family members might feel disappointed. Over time, she observed that the feared negative consequences did not materialize, reinforcing the viability of new boundaries.

Addressing long-suppressed grief formed another component of her recovery. She consciously revisited memories of her miscarriage, academic struggles and early parenting period, approaching each with what she called “compassion rather than judgment.” This process, she explains, reduced her underlying anger and eased compulsive behaviors linked to emotional suppression.

Vandermore’s professional background influenced her approach. As a therapist, she was familiar with nervous-system regulation techniques, which she later integrated into a mobile application called Mind Circuit. The app offers brief calming exercises designed to interrupt stress cycles. She indicates that the tool was created after recognizing a gap between theoretical knowledge and the immediate relief her own body needed during high-pressure moments.

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Her public account highlights several broader issues currently under discussion in mental-health and maternal-health circles:

• Undiagnosed learning differences in girls and women can foster internalized blame and perfectionism.
• Invisible losses such as early miscarriage may be discounted by social networks, leading to unacknowledged grief.
• Economic constraints can compel new parents to return to work before full physical or emotional recovery.
• Medical emergencies like preeclampsia can intersect with psychological stress, creating complex treatment challenges.

In sharing her experience, Vandermore emphasizes that consistent, small actions—rather than sweeping resolutions—have been most effective in restoring balance. Current strategies include pausing before agreeing to requests, openly stating personal needs without apologizing and incorporating short rest periods into daily routines. She reports that these adjustments have decreased resentment, improved emotional regulation and allowed her to engage more fully with her children.

While presenting her story, Vandermore stresses that she remains “a work in progress,” acknowledging that long-standing behavioral patterns require ongoing attention. Nevertheless, she views the incremental gains as evidence that survival mechanisms developed in childhood can evolve into healthier adult behaviors when circumstances change.

Her narrative serves as a case study of how cultural expectations—particularly those placed on eldest daughters—can shape lifelong habits of self-abandonment. It also illustrates the potential health costs of unresolved stress and the importance of early intervention when physical symptoms arise. As awareness of mental-health maintenance grows, professionals continue to advocate for routine self-assessment and boundary setting to prevent the type of burnout Vandermore experienced.

Mind Circuit, the neural-hygiene application Vandermore created, is currently available with complimentary sample exercises. She positions the tool as a supplement rather than a replacement for therapy, encouraging users to seek individualized care when needed. Future updates of the app are expected to include expanded features for emotional regulation, based on feedback from initial users.

Vandermore’s account concludes with a broader message aimed at individuals who habitually minimize their own needs: survival strategies that once offered protection may become obstacles to a fulfilling life if left unchanged. Her step-by-step recalibration, she says, demonstrates that reclaiming personal well-being is possible even after years of chronic self-neglect.